I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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