Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.

Fav 23 5373 987
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(214): View more from Texas

New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables

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(786): View more from Florida

i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.

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(951): View more from California

I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?

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(970): View more from Colorado

Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.

Fav 5 1758 728
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(256): View more from Alabama

But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.

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(716): View more from New York

in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....

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