I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
