Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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