IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
