Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
