When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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