Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
