she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize