Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
