i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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