The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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