Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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