I could make wine with my vomit
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize