sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
