i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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