can we get nightvision for the apartment?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
