What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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