Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
