my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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