dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
