So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
