My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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