Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
