Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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