Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize