I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
