i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
