I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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