I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
