if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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