apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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