if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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