I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
