i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
