im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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