Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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