i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I'm really busy with my period
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