the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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