Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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