i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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