either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
