can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
