My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
