Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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