barbara walters just said penis...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I think I just sharted jello shots
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