just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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