at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
