It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
