I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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