i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
