when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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