You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize
