I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize