Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
pray to the hookup gods
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize