What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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