And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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