Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
