I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
