if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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