Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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