I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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