he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i need some magic done to my vagina
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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