i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
