And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
