Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
