Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
