It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
