At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You're breaking my sexual little heart
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
