come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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