I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
