Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
