Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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