It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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