i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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